my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
