I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
