So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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