Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
