a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
