you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it fun? or sober?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
