I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
