i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
