Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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