Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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