she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
