Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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