im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
