Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
