Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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