Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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