there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
