Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
