can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
