I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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