i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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