Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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