I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
