I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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