I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
