you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
