did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
