Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
