Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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