So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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