Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
