yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
