Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
