But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
