What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you had me at cake vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
