I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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