i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
