i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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