I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
