Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry about my life...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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