apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
