i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
