so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
