It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
