I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
