well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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