In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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