and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
