You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
