who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
